


Down On The Farm Out Takes

by ShenLong



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: 1x2x1, 3x4x3, Humpty x 5 and a few others to squicky to mention, M/M, PWP, attempts at humor, random insanity... I think that just about covers it. Complete
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 05:18:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2800976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShenLong/pseuds/ShenLong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of 'Bloopers' and Out Takes from the fic: Down On The Farm</p>
            </blockquote>





	Down On The Farm Out Takes

Disclaimer: I don't own the G boys I just borrow them from time to time and return them a whole lot happier. :)

Rating: NC 17

Warnings: Silliness, attempts at humor, PWP, random insanity... I think that just about covers it.

Pairings: 1x2x1, 3x4x3, Humpty x 5 and a few others to squicky to mention.

Authors Notes: Blame this on the rest of the four Hentai Musketeers.... I do. 

Status: Errrrrrrrrr............

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Down on the Farm Out Takes " 

May. 2003 ShenLong 

 

[Scene]: A farmyard set on a back lot of one of the many movie studios. Inside shot of a bedroom with two lumps under the cover of blankets.

[Director]: "Rooster scene take one.... And..... action!"

"Cock a doodle doooooo!"

"What the fuck is that infernal noise?" growled Duo from underneath a pile of blankets.

"Cock a doodle dooooooo!"

"Aggghhhhh!" Duo pulled the pillow over his head.

"Cock a doodle dooooo!"

*Bang*

"Cock a doodle dooooo!"

*Snicker*

[Rooster scene take two.]

"Cock a doodle doooooo!"

"What the fuck is that infernal noise?" growled Duo from underneath a pile of blankets.

"Cock a doodle dooooooo!"

"Aggghhhhh!" Duo pulled the pillow over his head.

"Cock a doodle dooooo!"

*Bang*

"Cock a doodle dooooo!"

*snigger* "I think you missed."

"Shut up baka!"

[Rooster scene take three.]

"Cock a doodle doooooo!"

"What the fuck is that infernal noise?" growled Duo from underneath a pile of blankets.

"Cock a doodle dooooooo!"

"Aggghhhhh!" Duo pulled the pillow over his head.

"Cock a doodle dooooo!"

"Omae o korosu!" 

*Bang*

"Cock a doodle dooooo!"

"Hn. Don't say a word."

[Rooster scene take four.]

"Cock a doodle doooooo!"

"What the fuck is that infernal noise?" growled Duo from underneath a pile of blankets.

"Cock a doodle dooooooo!"

"Aggghhhhh!" Duo pulled the pillow over his head.

"Cock a doodle dooooo!"

Heero whips out a machine gun. *Rat a tat tat... Rat a tat tat...*

"Cock a doodle dooooo!"

The muted sounds of snickering can be heard along with a muttered.... "Where the fuck did he pull that thing from?"

[Rooster scene take five.]

"Cock a doodle doooooo!"

"What the fuck is that infernal noise?" growled Duo from underneath a pile of blankets.

"Cock a doodle dooooooo!"

"Aggghhhhh!" Duo pulled the pillow over his head.

"Cock a doodle dooooo!"

*Bang*

"Cock a..... Screech..." A stage hand reappears from the side.

*Squarkkkkk........ Thud*

"Better?"

"Hai. Thanks Hee-chan."

~ * ~ 

[Cow scene take one....]

Duo looked at the cows milling around the paddock gate waiting to be milked. "I always wanted to live on a farm Hee-chan."

"Hn. Can't think why," came the stilted reply.

"Huh?" Duo turned his violet gaze to his lover.

"I don't mind the animals...."

Duo tried desperately to hold his laughter as Heero gingerly stepped around a cow pat. "Awww c'mon Heero, you got your boots on, a little cow shit ain't gonna kill you."

Heero turns and slips.... Arms flail in the air for a moment before he lands in the cow pat. "Oh Shit!"

"Exactly!" Duo snickers and disappears off camera.

[Cow scene take two....]

Duo looked at the cows milling around the paddock gate waiting to be milked. "I always wanted to live on a farm Hee-chan."

"Hn. Can't think why," came the stilted reply.

"Huh?" Duo turned his violet gaze to his lover.

"I don't mind the animals...." Heero stopped suddenly and glared at his lover. "What the fuck is that?"

"What?" Duo replied innocently.

"That." Heero points ahead to where the cow pats are neatly arranged in the shape of a cross.

"Oh that, Heero. I think it's called Holy Shit!"

~ * ~ 

[Dog scene take one...]

Wufei wandered off in the direction of the kennels. If he was to check the sheep and move them to another paddock he would need the assistance of one of the sheep dogs. The range of mutts on display did nothing to boost his confidence.

He studied the mangy animals while the dogs all stared back... and pounced. Wufei disappears with a cry of "INJUSTICE!" as the dogs attack his legs.

[Dog scene take two...]

Wufei wandered off in the direction of the kennels. If he was to check the sheep and move them to another paddock he would need the assistance of one of the sheep dogs. The range of mutts on display did nothing to boost his confidence.

The dogs stared again in lust and went to pounce. Wufei drew his katana and swung it around. "Now to save on vet bills!"

[Dog scene take three...]

Wufei wandered off in the direction of the kennels. If he was to check the sheep and move them to another paddock he would need the assistance of one of the sheep dogs. The range of mutts on display did nothing to boost his confidence.

He cast his eye warily over the offered canines. They were a mixed bunch. He finally settled on the black and white long haired border collie. The fact that it was the only dog that didn't cringe or run away when he approached had nothing to do with his decision. He reached down and ruffled the dog's ears. He felt for the collar and looked at the name tag. "Humpty," he said out loud.

The dog looked at him with big puppy eyes.

"I wonder why they gave you that name?" Wufei motioned for the dog to follow him.

Humpty pounced.... Wufei drew his blade.

[Dog scene take four....]

The walk through the paddocks was calming, the light breeze blew Wufei's hair about his face, the strands having escaped his customary pony tail. The dog trotted silently at his heels, nose almost touching Wufei's leg. Wufei found it a little unnerving.

He paused at the top of the hill and let his eyes wander over the paddock below. The tiny white forms dotted the landscape, an air of peace abounded... only to be broken by Wufei's sudden yelp of surprise.

....only to be broken by Wufei's sudden yelp of surprise.

....only to be broken by Wufei's sudden yelp of surprise.

Wufei glares at the dog with his hands on his hips.

Humpty sits and refuses to hump the leg.

~ * ~ 

[Chicken scene take one...]

Trowa approached the coop and frowned. It was unusual for hens to be quiet. He looked at the group of feathered bodies lined up against the wire and reached for the door. He went in making sure to latch the door firmly behind him.

The hens watched in lust.

Still frowning to himself he rattled the bucket and began to scatter the pellets around. "Here you go girls," he said quietly. "If you're hungry come and get it."

All the chickens fainted.

[Chicken scene take two...]

Trowa approached the coop and frowned. It was unusual for hens to be quiet. He looked at the group of feathered bodies lined up against the wire and reached for the door. He went in making sure to latch the door firmly behind him.

The hens watched in lust.

Still frowning to himself he rattled the bucket and began to scatter the pellets around. "Here you go girls," he said quietly. "If you're hungry come and get it."

Trowa screamed as the chickens all jumped him.

~ * ~ 

[Milking Shed scene take one...]

"The rubber mimics the movement of the hand and with the combined light suction it draws the milk from the udder and into the tube then along to the holding tank over there."

Duo followed Heero's gaze as the large storage tank was pointed out to him. "But how, Heero?"

Heero growled. "Here." Heero grabbed Duo's hand and shoved one of his fingers into the cylinder. "Feel."

Duo's eyes went wide as he felt the gentle pulling and rippling motion of the soft rubber against his finger. "Ahhhhh..."

"See?"

Both Heero and Duo looked at each other, quickly yanked their pants down and shoved their cocks inside the cylinders. "Ohhh yeah Heero... now I see..."

[Milking shed scene take two...]

"The rubber mimics the movement of the hand and with the combined light suction it draws the milk from the udder and into the tube then along to the holding tank over there."

Duo followed Heero's gaze as the large storage tank was pointed out to him. "But how Heero?"

Heero growled. "Here." Heero grabbed Duo's cock from within his pants and shoved it into the cylinder. 

"Feel."

[ Milking shed scene take three...]

All five pilots are *plugged* into the milker.

"House cleaning! We need to empty the vat again!"

~ * ~ 

~ Lunch break ~

The five pilots are all sitting around a large table along with the rest of the film crew enjoying a well earned lunch break. The caterers place large plates of steaming rice and what appear to be 'Pork Balls' in front of everyone. They all tuck in with relish, after all, the mornings work has been strenuous to say the least. Duo spots the shaggy collie slinking across the set and his brow furrows.

"Hey, Wuffy; aint that the dog that's supposed to hump your leg?"

Wufei looked up with a smirk. "Yes, it is, Maxwell."

"Then how come it's walking funny?"

"He had a little entanglement with my blade."

"Oh. Then how come the rest of the dogs are whining a little higher pitched than normal? Did'ja castrate them all?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"Fear not though, Maxwell. Nothing is wasted." Wufei looked Duo in the eye as he held a 'pork ball' in his chop sticks. "Nothing...."

Four Gundam pilots and the film crew deserted the table in 0.54 seconds.

~ * ~

[Dinner scene take one...]

"Settle down Duo, there is plenty for all," Quatre chastised gently as he picked up the carving fork and knife. He stood and poised the implements above the bird and then lowered them. The fork stopped as did the knife. Quatre tried again to push the fork in. The skin broke but the fork would go no further. With a grimace Quatre shoved all his strength into the push but the fork prongs buckled.

Quatre held up the twisted fork and stared in disbelief. 

"Whadd'ya do to it, Q?" Duo asked as he studied the bent prongs. "Hit a bone or something?"

"Must have," Quatre frowned.

"Hn. Let me try." Heero took the knife and began to saw. Five minutes later he was still sawing when Duo re entered the kitchen, having slipped out earlier. 

"Move over, Hee-chan!" Duo called and Heero quickly moved as Duo powered up the chain saw.

The chain saw roared... sputtered... and died. 

"Errrr... Cut?"

[Dinner scene take two...]

"Settle down Duo, there is plenty for all," Quatre chastised gently as he picked up the carving fork and knife. He stood and poised the implements above the bird and then lowered them. The fork stopped as did the knife. Quatre tried again to push the fork in. The skin broke but the fork would go no further. With a grimace Quatre shoved all his strength into the push but the fork prongs buckled.

Quatre held up the twisted fork and stared in disbelief. 

"Whadd'ya do to it, Q?" Duo asked as he studied the bent prongs. "Hit a bone or something?"

"Must have," Quatre frowned.

"Hn. Let me try," Heero took the knife and began to saw. Five minutes later he was still sawing when Duo re entered the kitchen, having slipped out earlier. 

"Move over, Hee-chan!" Duo called and Heero quickly moved as Duo powered up the chain saw.

The chain saw roared... sputtered and then blew up in a cloud of smoke. 

*cough* *cough* "Can we try that again?"

[Dinner scene take three...]

"Settle down Duo, there is plenty for all," Quatre chastised gently as he picked up the carving fork and knife. He stood and poised the implements above the bird and then lowered them. The fork stopped as did the knife. Quatre tried again to push the fork in. The skin broke but the fork would go no further. With a grimace Quatre shoved all his strength into the push but the fork prongs buckled.

Quatre held up the twisted fork and stared in disbelief. 

"Whadd'ya do to it, Q?" Duo asked as he studied the bent prongs. "Hit a bone or something?"

"Must have," Quatre frowned.

"Hn. Let me try," Heero took the knife and began to saw. Five minutes later he was still sawing when Duo re entered the kitchen, having slipped out earlier. 

"Move over, Hee-chan!" Duo called and Heero quickly moved as Duo pranced in wielding the thermal Scythe. "Revenge is mine you rotten chicken!"

~ * ~ 

[Relena and the Duck pond scene take one...]

With a last scream of "Save me!" Relena flung herself at Heero.

Duo had watched in silence as Relena began to scream for Heero to save her. He stood, stunned as the pink idiot raced towards Heero screaming for him to save her. He saw Heero's muscles begin to twitch in reflex. "Oh no you don't buddy!" he growled.

Duo waited until the last moment when Relena was about to launch herself from the ground and sprang into action. As the girl became airborne, aimed directly at his lover, Duo reached out, grabbed Heero by the arm, and yanked him out of the way. 

"Mission Rejected!" he snarled.

Duo was a fraction too late and Relena barreled into Heero, sending them both into the duck pond.

[Relena and the Duck pond scene take two...]

With a last scream of "Save me!" Relena flung herself at Heero.

Duo had watched in silence as Relena began to scream for Heero to save her. He stood, stunned as the pink idiot raced towards Heero screaming for him to save her. He saw Heero's muscles begin to twitch in reflex. "Oh no you don't buddy!" he growled.

Duo waited until the last moment when Relena was about to launch herself from the ground and sprang into action. As the girl became airborne, aimed directly at his lover, Duo reached out, grabbed Heero by the arm, and yanked him out of the way. 

"Mission Rejected!" he snarled.

Duo was a fraction too late and Relena barreled into Heero, once again sending them both into the duck pond.

Heero dragged himself out as the rest of the group tried to hold their laughter. "Omae o korosu!" he yelled reaching into his spandex space and pulling out.... a fish.

~ * ~ 

[Duck pond scene take one...]

Heero's hand snaked towards her dripping blouse.

Relena's eyes widened as she realized where his hand was heading; and then, as it plunged inside her blouse, she let go a small moan. Finally, her Heero had come around and woken up to his inner feelings, that he loved her and not that braided idiot.

Heero's hand fished around under the wet silky material for a moment.... Unable to locate the *prop* he partook of a quick grope instead.

"Heero!" Relena stammered as she yanked his hand from within her blouse and flushed bright red. "I'm not that kind of girl!"

[Duck pond scene take two...]

Heero's hand snaked towards her dripping blouse.

Relena's eyes widened as she realized where his hand was heading; and then, as it plunged inside her blouse, she let go a small moan. Finally, her Heero had come around and woken up to his inner feelings, that he loved her and not that braided idiot.

Heero's hand fished around under the wet silky material for a moment.... still unable to locate the *prop* he partook of another quick grope.

Duo smacked him upside of the head. "Heero, old buddy, what the hell do you think you are doing? You're gay for gods sake!"

"I never said I was gay, Duo."

"Huh?"

"In fact, I'm actually Bisexual..." Heero went for another quick grope only to have Relena swat him away.

"You might be Bi, mate, but I'll let you know now that I'm a lesbian!"

~ * ~ 

[Dining room scene take one...]

Heero walked over to the table and prodded the chook. "Hn." He picked it up and tapped his knuckles against it. It echoed back. "Hn." Heero then dropped the carcass to the floor where it bounced back sharply. Everyone ducked as the bird ricochet from the floor to rebound off the wall, skim over Trowa, Quatre and Wufei's heads and fly out the window.

"Argh! "

*Thud*

Relena lay unconscious on the ground.

[Dining room scene take two...]

Heero walked over to the table and prodded the chook. "Hn." He picked it up and tapped his knuckles against it. It echoed back. "Hn." Heero then dropped the carcass to the floor where it bounced back sharply. Everyone ducked as the bird ricochet from the floor to rebound off the wall, skim over Trowa, Quatre and Wufei's heads and fly out the window.

Humpty chased after the errant bird like a Frisbee.

~ * ~ 

[Bull scene take one...]

With a sigh Quatre exited and made his way over to the barn to retrieve a bucket and stool and go milk a cow. Bucket swinging in his hand, he trotted off towards the cow paddock. Spying a large shaggy black and white beast on the other side of the railings he climbed through and made his way over to it.

Quatre then realized it was, in fact, a bull, and dug in his heels. "I'm not milking that!" he yelled and took off running in the opposite direction.

[Bull scene take two...]

With a sigh Quatre exited and made his way over to the barn to retrieve a bucket and stool and go milk a cow.....

"I refuse!" screamed the blonde as the stage hands dragged him bodily across the paddock, his shoes leaving deep furrows in the earth as he tried desperately to stop his forward movement.

[Bull scene take three...]

Burying his head in the animal's side as he had seen done in movies, he reached underneath to locate the udder.

(Camera angle changes slightly so as not to get the chains currently securing Quatre to the spot, revealed in the shot.)

His brow crinkled a little as he fished under the belly searching for the teats. His hands finally located what he was looking for and he began to gently pull and squeeze as Trowa had mentioned before. 

His eyes screwed shut and a soft moan escaped his lips... "Ohh my..."

[Bull scene take four...]

Quatre is madly *milking* the bull.

Trowa is wandering behind the camera crew... chickens following behind. Quatre spies his partner and looks up. "Hey Trowa?"

Trowa stops and looks up from under his bang.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you... I'm leaving you."

"You're leaving me? Who for? Duo?... Heero?...Wufei?...."

"No, the bull."

~ * ~ 

[Kitten scene take one...]

The kitten crouched and pulled its hind legs underneath. He watched, mesmerized as his target continued to swing back and forth.

"Ohhh god.... Heero.... I'm gonna...." Duo grunted as he felt the fire of his orgasm building.

"Oh shit, Duo, harder, faster," Heero returned, feeling his own climax beginning to steal through his groin.

The kitten pulled its hind end up and wiggled his bottom ready to pounce.... and then took off through the open door as Humpty raced through the barn.

"CUT!"

"No fucking way! I'm too close...."

[Kitten scene take two...]

The kitten crouched and pulled its hind legs underneath. He watched, mesmerized as his target continued to swing back and forth.

"Ohhh god.... Heero.... I'm gonna...." Duo grunted as he felt the fire of his orgasm building.

"Oh shit, Duo, harder, faster," Heero returned, feeling his own climax beginning to steal through his groin.

The kitten pulled its hind end up and wiggled his bottom ready to pounce.

"Agggghhhh..... Heero!" Duo felt his seed explode from his cock to be swallowed by Heero's passage.

"Nnnnngggg .... Duo." Heero thrust upwards a couple more times as his own load shot forth.

The kitten took one last look... aimed and pounced, sinking his claws in.

Duo had anticipated the pounce and unable to stop himself pulled out of Heero's passage and forwards. The kitten landed right on Heero's groin.

"OMAE O KOROSU!!!!"

~ * ~ 

[Vegetable scene take one...]

Trowa watched intently as the blonde undid his pants and reached inside to fondle himself. He began to run his tongue along the firm flesh of the veggie, putting as much saliva and lust into the act as he could.

Quatre was certainly appreciating the display. He moved closer to Trowa and rubbed against his boyfriend's thigh. "Please, Trowa... don't tease," he begged.

"What do you want, Quatre? " Trowa asked suggestively.

"Ohh that, you, anything..." Quatre panted.

"I've got a nice carrot here," Trowa snickered. "Or maybe you'd prefer this parsnip? Or perhaps this water melon?"

"Come near me with that fucking thing and I promise you a slow painful death."

[Vegetable scene take two...]

Quatre shoved back hard against the stiff vegetable, taking Trowa completely by surprise. "Ohhh so good... sooo deep," Quatre moaned.

_Ohhh shit!_ thought Trowa as the sudden shove caused him to lose his hold on the slim end and the vegetable disappeared inside Quatre's channel. He looked across at the director, panic etched into his face.

"Keep rolling!"

[Vegetable scene take three...]

"Ohhh more, Trowa, deeper.... I want it all inside."

"Errr... you have it all, Quatre."

"Nani?"

"Ummm... It seems the whole thing is in there. I know you enjoy your vegetables, Quatre, but I think this is taking it a little too literal."

"How the hell did that happen?" Quatre's eyes were still glazed and his passage spasmed, feeling the slender vegetable deep inside. "We need to get it out." Quatre wasn't sure whether to panic, moan, get himself off or head for a hospital.

"I know, I know," Trowa replied. "Bend over a little more and I'll see what I can do." Quatre leaned over and Trowa slipped his fingers inside, brushing against the end of the zucchini. It was slippery and Trowa frantically tried to get a hold on it.

"Medic!"

A medical officer trotted onto the set complete with a long pair of forceps.

Quatre fainted.

~ * ~

"Cut!! That's a wrap folks," the director called out.

The weary pilots and the rest of the film crew began to pack away their equipment. The set crew came in and began to remove the props, marking the items off on their sheets as they accounted for each piece.

"Hey boss, we're missing something."

"What?"

"We're short one milker."

The five pilots jumped into the jeep to head for town and catch up on some much needed sleep before the next lot of demanding filming called. Duo tossed his duffle bag into the back of the jeep and climbed in. A glint of metal flashed as the bag settled.

~ Owari ~


End file.
